I try very hard to give you an accurate depiction of expat life in the UK. From visas to jobs to cultural oddities, I am on the front lines sharing the action with you. But today, I’d like to pay tribute to my other love: America.
America, the land of the breakfast cereal filled with chocolate and cocoa and S’mores. Where “ice cream” is an appropriate flavor for the first meal of the day, and the word “fruity” makes any sugar-filled treat instantly healthy.
America, whose founding fathers fought for our freedom to dye frosting whatever color we please. Do you know what color icing my boyfriend’s English family uses on their cakes? White. Because white is the plain, boring, color of the natural ingredients in frosting. To that I say, “NO! NO MORE! We demand purple frosting and we demand that it is funfetti. We don’t even really know what ‘funfetti’ means, but we DEMAND it.
America, a land of beauty and history and endless rows of manufactured breakfast cakes. Who needs ‘cherry’ and ‘strawberry’ when we can have Oreo and Chocolate Fudge and Brown Sugar Cinnamon? Everyone knows that fruit flavored Pop-tarts are for lame-os and well-meaning soccer moms who are trying to make their kids eat better.
America. I love you. You keep on doing you.
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